I Survived 30 Funerals in 30 Days

By Gail Rubin

I was a funeral crasher, attending 30 funerals in 30 days, not once, not twice, but three years in a row. As The Doyenne of Death®, I devoted myself to witnessing and recording current trends in funerals and memorial services. The breadth of families’ creativity is astounding.

In one year alone, I experienced a memorial luncheon in a bowling alley bar, a funeral for a Dallas Cowboys fan, a memorial service for a young TV news reporter, and a celebration of life for a hot air balloon pioneer. There was the home-based “My Big Fat Italian Funeral,” a jazz quartet in a club, and a ceremony in a Japanese garden, all celebrations of life.

Of the 30 events, almost half of these deaths were unexpected. Even though intellectually we know we will die, the passing is a surprise, whether the death was expected or unexpected. The funeral or memorial service plays a key role in processing grief, especially when the death is unexpected.

One key takeaway: the families of those who had planned ahead or had a funeral planning conversation were much less stressed. They were still sad, but because they had information from the deceased ahead of time, the guidance was extremely helpful.

Since you never know when your number will be up, it’s vital to have a conversation today about how you’d like your life celebrated. And trust me, preplanning your end-of-life arrangements won’t kill you.

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